Possibility: Should Have
by Mystic83
Summary: What if Commander Adama had forgiven his son of his mistake almost immediately? What if Lee had been free when Boomer’s Cylon nature finally asserted control? mild hints at possibility of KaraLee


**This will be a series of stand-alone stories which deal with the choices that the characters on Battlestar Galactica have made throughout the mini-series and first season (I'll be posted in as much of the order of the season as I can). I want to explore what would have happened/changed if things had gone differently. Some of the stories will be angst, some will be shippy, some will be funny. There will be different pairings throughout. Don't feel like you have to check out each one to understand the others. All I ask is that if it intrigues you, then give it a try. Hope you enjoy reading the stories as much as I enjoyed writing them!

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**There are pivotal moments in one's life where if you take the wrong path everything may change. Those changes may be for the good or for the bad. The possibilities are endless. **

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* * *

**

In my life, I think there are a lot of things I should have done.

I should have listened to my mother when she said that I was no good for anyone.

I should have spotted that big monster of a guy coming at me on the pyramid field before it was too late and my knee was well and truly fraked.

I should have killed the dream of the man I loved in order to save his life.

I should have tried a little harder to keep the Cylons from getting to me.

I should have faced my fears instead of running away like I always do.

Like I said, there are a lot of things I should have done.

* * *

Kara Thrace bit back all the fear that was slowly welling up inside her as she made the approach to Galactica. It had taken three weeks, but she finally found a ship that the Cylons hadn't touched. And one week after that she was sure there wasn't one homing device on it that she hadn't already found.

The Battlestar loomed in front of her, a goliath among the stars.

She could see the alert fighters being launched. Smart move considering they were an untagged, unidentifiable Raptor approaching the remnants of humanity.

"Helo?" she choked out as the radio starting blaring a warning to stop their forward motion.

"I'm scared, too," he said, answering the question she hadn't even asked.

"All right. Then let's get this over with." She gave him her best Starbuck smile even though she knew it looked forced. "I don't want to miss our welcome home party."

"Unknown Raptor, this is Galactica Actual. Please identify yourself."

Helo twisted to look at her even as she was turning to look back at him. "Did I miss something, 'Buck? Because that sounded like Tigh."

Kara stared at the panel in confusion. "Yeah, I think it was."

"Galactica Actual, this is Helo and Starbuck requesting permission to land," Helo said into the comm channel.

"Don't forget the security," Kara reminded him as she powered down the Raptor's few remaining weapons and kicked the ship into a steady forward motion.

"Galactica, we also request that you keep the alert fighters in motion and send a couple of Vipers out to meet us as we approach. We did our best, but we're still not sure if this Raptor is entirely clean."

* * *

I should have known when I heard Tigh's voice that something had gone horribly wrong.

* * *

With a gentle bang, the Raptor touched down to the hangar bay floor. "Are you ready for this?" Kara asked, flicking her helmet off her head and running a hand quickly through her sweat-soaked hair. The question was kind of ironic considering she herself was not ready.

"No. Tell me again what I missed."

"The Secretary of Education is President. Dr. Baltar, the genius you gave up your life for, has created a Cylon detecting machine which obviously doesn't function properly. Captain Adama is our CAG and the best pilot they have since I left. The Old Man doesn't really like our new President, but he's going his best to make sure she has a chance to prove herself. Crashdown actually beat me once at triad, and Specialist Cally has found the best recipe for moonshine so far. Um… and I'm still pretty much a screw-up."

Helo seemed to pause a second, committing all that to his memory, and then he nodded. He slipped his flight suit off his shoulders and threw his collar onto the control desk. Sighing, he turned back to look at his co-pilot. When he saw her struggling with her own collar, he walked over and helped click it open. "Don't forget about Sharon," he whispered while he was still close.

"Don't call her that," Kara reminded him. "She's not Sharon."

Helo's face froze in pain for a brief second before he had tucked it back away. Kara pulled her flight suit down off her upper body and reach out to grab his hand. "Helo. I know losing her was tough on you, no matter who or what she was. But you're going to have to be strong for the Fleet. I think, toaster or no toaster, she would have wanted you to do this."

"I wish she would have come with us."

"If she had, the Cylons would have known where we were going. They could have tracked us all the way back to Galactica."

"She was carrying my child."

"A child the Cylons deemed not good enough," Kara pointed out although she knew it was harsh.

The memory of that last night on Caprica came flooding back to her. Images flashed through her head.

The Cylon sneaking away from camp to talk to another one of the supermodel toasters. The sounds of an argument. Boomer drawing her gun and shooting the Cylon. Boomer turning to look at where Starbuck was squatting. The whisper of there's no other way. And then the gunshot as she took her own life and the life of Helo's child.

When Starbuck returned to camp, she told Helo that the Cylons had deemed the baby unworthy of their hybrid project and were going to start from scratch with a new Cylon model and a new human. They had killed Boomer and the child.

She knew that it would hurt to know that machines deemed his child unworthy. But it would be less painful than knowing that Sharon had been human enough to know that there was no solution to their problem. They couldn't take her with them, and Helo couldn't leave his baby behind.

Kara secretly prayed that somehow either that Cylon model's conscious had found a new home in which it could continue to make the right choices or that there was some problem that kept it from moving on. She wished it peace wherever it ended up.

But mostly, she found herself praying for the baby who never had a chance to live.

* * *

I should have realized that the Cylons wouldn't have just given up on destroying everything I loved just because one Cylon had had a moment of humanity.

* * *

There was a moment of hesitation as they stepped out of the Raptor. And then the whole hangar erupted in cries and cheers. Starbuck took a little bow and motioned for Helo to come out and join her.

He took a tentative step onto the ramp, and what he saw took his breath away. "The old girl's still the same," he whispered.

"She'll never change," Kara said with a smile.

"I don't see Sharon."

"That's good. We don't want to make a public spectacle of this. People are going to get scared when they find out someone as high up as she was is actually one of the enemy."

"We don't have time to celebrate," he added.

"I know. It was a nice little daydream for a few seconds there, though, wasn't it?"

"I could have used some good food for once."

"Not on Galactica," she said with a laugh.

"I've been living on grass and beans for months. I'll take any kind of artificial food over that."

Kara turned her attention away from Helo briefly to ask the first person she could see where the Commander was. She found it odd that he hadn't been there to greet them. Sure, he might be mad at her for committing an act of betrayal, but that didn't mean he wouldn't be there to throw her straight into the brig.

"I'm right here," Tigh said, stepping up in front of her to answer her request to see the Commander.

"Where is he?" she asked, knowing that her face had gone from cocky to frightened in less than a second. Something was wrong.

"He's fine. You don't have to worry about him. The stress just got a little too much for him while you were gone."

"That doesn't make any sense."

Tigh motioned for her to walk. "There's a lot you missed while you took your little joyride back home." He turned back to look at Helo. "You come, too, Lieutenant Agathon."

Helo nodded and followed a few steps behind.

* * *

I should have worried about why they were rushing us somewhere so fast.

I should have taken a closer look as to who else was missing from our little welcome home greeting.

I should have asked where he was.

And I should have asked why we were going in the direction of the sickbay instead of waiting until the answer was staring me straight in the face.

* * *

Kara stared around the empty room in sickbay that Tigh had shoved them into. As soon as he left, she noticed two Marines step in front of the door to block them in. She thought there was probably a good reason to be insulted by that.

"They think we're toasters," Helo pointed out, obviously thinking along the same lines.

"I wish Tigh had stuck around a little longer. As much as I dislike him, we have to tell someone about Boom- about the Cylon."

"We also need to tell them about the baby."

"The baby's gone," Kara said, sitting down on the hospital bed he was currently lounging on.

"I know. But it still might help the Fleet to know that it existed. It's what the Cylons are striving for."

"I'm going to point out again, for what I promise is the last time, we do not need to tell them what went on between you and that Cylon on Caprica. You don't have to go through that pain and humiliation."

"Yes, I do. It will give the Fleet an advantage. Plus, I need to own up to my mistake."

"You couldn't have known she wasn't Sharon."

"No. I just chose not to see until it was staring me right in the face. Literally."

Kara nodded and kept quiet. She figured they had exhausted this topic on the flight back to Galactica, and plus, she knew it brought him pain. She considered herself an expert on that topic so she knew it was something he didn't need right now.

"You left your little souvenir in the Raptor," Helo pointed out all of the sudden. Obviously he felt a topic shift was in order, too.

And damn. Wasn't he right?

She had hoped she wouldn't have to explain why she didn't need that thing anymore.

* * *

I should have told Helo how important he was from the start.

* * *

"I don't think that was what I was sent to Caprica to get." She shrugged her shoulders. "I mean, how is a little piece of metal supposed to help us find and unlock Athena's tomb?"

"Um. Let me think. Maybe it's the key to a lock? At the very least you could have given it to a deckhand instead of just leaving it sitting around."

Okay. She definitely didn't need that sarcasm, even though it was a very welcome sound. He hadn't been joking like this in quite a long time. Maybe she had gotten to him just in time. Maybe the Cylon Sharon had known that he could still be saved which is why she did what she did.

"So, if you don't think the Arrow was what you were sent to get, then what was it? Because you obviously seemed content to leave Caprica when we found this Raptor. And the Starbuck I know doesn't leave a mission unaccomplished."

"I didn't," she said, staring at him intently. She didn't really want to have to spell this out for him. It would give him too many questions, and she didn't have the patience to answer them until she had seen Commander Adama for herself. "I got what I needed."

"Well, that makes a whole lot of sense. The only thing you took from Caprica besides this random spaceship was that damn piece of metal. So how could you have gotten what you wanted when you don't think the arrow was it?"

"You're missing one other thing I brought back with me," she said, biting her lip. She did not want to be locked in this room to witness his reaction to what she had to say. That's why she hadn't told him on their flight back to Kobol. They had gone over and over what happened on the planet they used to call home, but she hadn't mentioned the real reason why she thought she had been sent back.

"No, you didn't. Raptor. Arrow. That's it."

"I brought back more than that."

"No, you didn't."

"Yes, I did, Helo. And I'm staring at him."

His face lit up in confusion which quickly turned to horror. "No. No. No. I am done being a pawn in this stupid war. Done! You hear me?"

"I'm sorry. It's not like I made this decision."

"But you're the one that brought me back to this ship."

"What was I supposed to do? Leave you wandering around Caprica praying that not too many Cylons found out where you were hiding?"

"I might have had a chance."

She could tell he was holding something back, and she was pretty sure she knew what it was. "Go ahead and say it. You might have had a chance to live in peace and raise your child with Sharon."

This time, it was his turn to remind her. "Don't call her by her name."

"Well, if we're going to keep treating her like the mother of your child and not a machine, then I'm going to use her name."

"You're impossible."

"And you're confused. We don't have time to fix either one of those charming character traits right now." She pointed out the little bit of window not obstructed by the Marine's bodies. "The Old Man's here to spring us out of this crappy jail."

* * *

I should have realized that the Old Man screaming that there was no way either one of us were toasters wasn't a good sign.

I should have realized that he only yells when he has too much to deal with.

* * *

"Commander," Kara said, throwing him a salute as he entered. It pleased her to see Helo doing the same out of the corner of her eye. They were both indebted to this man. He hadn't moved the Fleet in all the time they were gone. He had given them a chance to come home. To return to their real home.

"Starbuck. Helo."

"So, sir. Care to explain why Tigh is impersonating you these days?"

"He's the acting Commander of the Fleet. I've had a rough few weeks. I'm… I'm not in the right mind to be leading."

She immediately got concerned again. William Adama hadn't stepped down from his job in all the time she had known him. That included his particularly painful divorce from a wife he still loved dearly and the death of his youngest son which they were both partially to blame for.

"Don't you have something to say to the Commander?" Helo prodded her.

"Oh. I'm sorry, sir, for taking the Raider when it was your only hope of getting those missing crew back from Kobol." She could see Helo rolling his eyes at her. She knew he meant for her to tell the Commander about Sharon, but for once, she was putting herself before the Fleet. She had to get this apology out now or it might not ever happen.

"We found another way," Adama said gruffly.

"Good. I only did what I thought was right. The Fleet needed hope, and eventually they were going to lose it if we didn't start making progress towards finding Earth."

She was surprised to see Adama shake his head in agreement before rubbing his temples slightly. "Forgive me for being so distracted. I haven't slept in thirty-six hours."

Before she could stop herself, the question was out of her mouth. "You relieved yourself of duty to recover and yet you're not sleeping?"

"It's been a difficult few weeks."

"So everyone keeps saying. What happened?"

"Besides her taking the Raider," Helo added with a smirk.

"We discovered a traitor in our midst."

Starbuck glanced at Helo. Maybe they didn't have to be so subtle about telling everyone as they had first thought. "Was it… well, who… what I mean to ask…"

"Was it Sharon Valerii?" Helo said, stepping in.

"Yes." Adama answered even while he was turning to leave. "I assumed you had contact with one of her other counterparts while on Caprica." Helo nodded. "Good. You'll have to write up all you know in a report to give to the military and the civilian government. We need every bit of information as to how the Cylons could have gotten one of their models into such a powerful position."

Kara saw his eyes dart to the clock on the wall.

"Excuse me. I need to get back to my post."

Kara nodded. He was distracted. Even that exit was a little too gruff and abrupt for William Adama.

"Sir. Please tell me what happened before you leave," Helo asked insistently.

Adama looked at him for a moment before nodding. "That's right. She was your partner."

"Yes, sir. And I spent time with her on Caprica while I was in hiding. I didn't know she wasn't the Sharon I had flown with until it was too late."

"Too late?"

Kara stepped in. "We can explain this all to you and to Tigh and to the President. It's going to take a while, and you all should hear."

"And she's trying to protect me, sir," Helo added with a laugh. "She thinks that keeping the pain away will help. You see, I was very close to the machine I thought was Sharon."

"I will be told what you're referring to later," Adama said as he opened the door. The Marines immediately turned and pointed their guns at him. "I told you they weren't Cylons. Now get those guns out of my face."

"Sir? Do we have to stay here?" Kara tried to joke her way into hiding the fear and vulnerability that had somehow creeped its way into her voice. "I have bad memories from when I hurt my knee."

"No, you don't have to stay here. Lieutenant Agathon, Acting Commander Tigh is waiting for you in his quarters. You can get started on that report. I think you know the way."

Helo nodded and, giving Starbuck one last shrug, left the room.

* * *

I should have realized they were trying to get Helo out of the way.

* * *

Kara followed William Adama down the twisting corridors of sickbay until he stopped outside a door. "I have to clear something with Doctor Cottle first. You can wait in here."

"Great. More waiting," she said with a wink.

When he didn't respond, just turned and walked away, she felt the nerves come shooting back. Being on Galactica again was turning into a series of rapid highs and lows. She hadn't expected that.

Sighing, she turned the handle and entered the second waiting room. At least this one didn't feel like a makeshift brig.

"Lieutenant Thrace. They told me that you were back."

"Specialist Cally," Kara said, nodding to the young woman lying in the hospital bed. "What happened to you?'

"Bad case of the flu from my time on Kobol. I'll be out in two days. I was lucky compared to…" Her voice choked up and cut off.

* * *

I should have wondered why he would have directed me to Cally's room instead of another empty one.

* * *

Cally recovered quickly. "So. How does it feel to be back on board?"

"Fantastic."

"They never did explain to us where you went or why you left. I figured it was something really important considering they sent you. I mean, the best pilot in the whole Fleet being sent out by herself? It has to be pretty fraking important."

"It's a matter of opinion," Kara said absentmindedly. She stared around the room for a minute before turning to Cally. "I found myself wondering why the President wasn't on board Galactica to welcome us back."

"Oh she is," Cally said, shaking her head. "Only she's in the brig."

"She's in the brig?"

"Word around Galactica was the Commander wasn't happy. Socinus told me that he had heard from the Chief who heard from Dee that the Commander hadn't approved for you to go on the mission. He said it was too dangerous to waste the best pilot on. My opinion is that's the kind of mission that only a pilot like you could complete."

"You don't even know what it was," Kara pointed out.

"I can tell it was hard."

"How?"

"Because you're walking with a limp again. And those look like almost healed bruises on your face and neck."

"Observant."

"It's how I keep busy."

Kara sat down on the edge of the bed. "So, how did the President end up in the brig?"

"Well, there was an almost coup. The Commander felt that she was abusing her power and overstepping her bounds. So he sent a strike force with Colonel Tigh to take the President into custody."

"But it didn't happen?"

"No. Lee-" Cally cleared her voice. "The CAG stopped it."

"Stopped it how?"

"He held a gun to the Colonel's head."

"No way! You're making that up."

"No, he committed mutiny. I wasn't here to see it, but all the pilots were talking about all the things he had done for the Fleet once you had left. Especially after… well… just after."

"Okay," Kara shook her head. Sometimes she forgot that Cally was still practically a teenager. Talking with a teenager could be one of the most confusing things you could ever have to do.

* * *

I should have asked what 'after' meant.

* * *

"Speaking of Apollo," Kara said, deciding that it was time to dismiss with the general fact exchange and actually get the young deckhand to answer the one question that no one had answered yet, "where is he?"

Cally's face went white.

Before she had time to answer, though, the door opened, and the Commander stepped into the room. "How are you doing, Specialist?" he asked.

Cally just stared at him. Kara wasn't sure what that meant.

"She's doing just fine," Kara answered for her finally.

"Good. You've been approved now, Starbuck." She wanted to ask approved for what, but he continued on. "I had to pull some strings. The whole ship seems to think that somehow the Cylons have cloned you and there are now multiple copies of you flying around the galaxy."

"There was no time for that."

"Well, the Fleet is on edge since…" Adama looked over at Cally who was now shaking her head at him in some sort of sign that flew right over Kara's head. "…since the incident with Sharon Valerii."

"What exactly happened?"

He gave a small wave to the deckhand who was still shaking her head at him with a face as white as a ghost. "I'll tell you about it on the way."

* * *

I should have asked him the way to where.

* * *

"The Lieutenant went on the mission previously assigned to you. She completed it as we had planned and returned to Galactica. Second Petty Officer Dualla tried to tell me that her voice sounded a little off during the transmission request to land her Raptor on Galactica, but I was too preoccupied to understand what she was trying to tell me."

"Preoccupied?"

"I assume that Cally told you about the little coup attempt I planned."

"And how Lee stopped it by holding a gun to Tigh's head." Kara smiled at him. "I really wish I would have been here."

William Adama stared at her for a second before gruffly stating, "You should have been here, Lieutenant."

His words threw her off for a moment. "I thought I was doing what had to be done, sir. Again, I'm sorry for keeping you in the dark."

The hard look in the Commander's eyes immediately faded, and she could see him suddenly grow tired again. "I'm not expecting an apology." He motioned for her to stop in front of a door. "I'm sorry. What was I saying?"

"You were preoccupied when Boomer came back on board."

"With you gone and the Fleet practically split in two, it almost got too much for me. I was making judgment calls without thinking. Lee's mutiny pointed that out clearly. When the Marines brought him into the CIC in handcuffs, I realized that."

"He was handcuffed?" Unlike the picture of Lee holding a gun to Tigh's head, this wasn't at all funny. In fact, the idea of Lee being subdued in any way made her scared. He was always the stable one. She was the one handcuffed and in trouble.

"I know. I decided that it wasn't worth it. There would still be a trial for his crime, but I didn't want to start alienating my son just when he seemed to be fitting in with the crew of Galactica finally."

"And just when you two had started talking again."

Adama nodded. "I gave him an unofficial pardon."

Kara's eyes went wide. Those kinds of things were never handed out, especially not on William Adama's watch. His father was a lawyer, and that made him a staunch believer in the democratic system.

"I was talking to him when Valerii came into the CIC. I turned to congratulate her on doing her part to save the lives of those trapped down on Kobol. And that's when she pulled out the gun."

Kara stared at him in confusion for a moment before stating the obvious, "She failed then. I mean, except the sleep deprivation and some signs of a little too much stress, you look fine, sir."

"I wasn't the one that got shot, Kara." He gestured for her to open the door.

* * *

I should have known that he would have been there to welcome me back to Galactica if he could have been, no matter how bad I had screwed up before I left.

* * *

"Lee?" she whispered, staring at the man now hooked up to a handful of machines that seemed extremely important. There was a steady beeping filling the air.

* * *

I should have known.

* * *

"He took the bullets that she intended for me. I had the Marines take off the handcuffs only seconds earlier. They say that it was mostly instinct on his part to try to save me."

"Is he…" She stared at him in horror, knowing that she didn't have the strength to ask if he was going to be all right.

"I don't know. The first two bullets pierced both of his lungs so they've had some difficulty getting him to breath on his own. The third bullet went through his abdomen and ended up lodged somewhere inside. The fourth and fifth only caused minor wounds to his left shoulder. However, the one that we should be worried about hit him just left of his heart. There was a lot of blood loss."

She had no idea how he could talk about the brutal shooting of his son using such cold, hard facts. "When can I talk to him? I want him to know that I'm back."

William Adama shook his head. "He hasn't woken up yet."

* * *

I should have… oh frak.

* * *

"Sir?" she said, still staring at him in horror.

He didn't respond.

And suddenly her mission to deliver the Arrow of Apollo, be it Helo or that little scrap of metal, didn't seem so important.

* * *

…

* * *

Kara stumbled into the room and stood next to the bed. Silently she grasped Lee Adama's hand in hers, and the tears started coming down.

* * *

I should have stayed where I was needed.


End file.
